Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
