I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I am morally bankrupt
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
