Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
