I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
