god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need a burrito and a hug.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
