p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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