Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
