My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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