Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
