hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
