I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
