I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
