A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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