I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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