Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
