The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize