It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
