So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
