Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
