Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize