Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize