My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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