i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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