I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
