I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want her autograph on my taint
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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