But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sex in a hospital.. check
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
