Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
