can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ok first of all what the fuck
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
