The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
