is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
