so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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