Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
