It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
