my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
