Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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