enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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