No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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