After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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