this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize