So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
