I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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