my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
