She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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