I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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