he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
