one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
