His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
