imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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