the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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