I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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