There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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