im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
