it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
