were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I understand Curling. That high.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
These tits shall not be calmed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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