i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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