I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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