I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
