I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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