Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
