I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
