we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
