I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
