you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
