My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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