There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
