That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
