Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
