He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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