I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
