i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
