If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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