You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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