I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
