Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
