dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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