He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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