For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
