Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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