my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
